Welcome to July, our hottest month of the year. If you keep track of monthly celebrations you probably know that July is National Independence Month. You might even know that it’s National Ice Cream Month as well as National Pool Safety Awareness month (two observances that fit in well with the sweltering season). But did you know that July is also National Anti-boredom Month? Yes, really – it’s actually listed on the website www.holidaysforeveryday.com . According to this website July is also National Read an Almanac Month. Now is it just me or does that celebration seem to contradict July’s anti-boredom theme? July is also Cell Phone Courtesy month – Boring!
As well as National Hay Month – REALLY BORING!!! and it’s also National Hot Dog Month – (Yuck!!! – and ALL TOO BORING!!!). It’s Also National Get Along With Your Ex. Month; lovely thought but if you don’t get along with your ex now a day in July when tempers are running as high as the dew point is hardly the time to start. After reading all the July celebrations, and finding most of them to be either silly, or completely non-apropos for the season I’ve decided to make up my own list of proposals. Here are my top 5 picks:
5. National Air-Conditioner Condensation Awareness Month: When you’re walking down a city street on a typical July afternoon, and both the temperature and humidity are around 95 you can always count upon the plethora of buzzing air conditioners to provide you with cool, refreshing droplets from above. Kind of like a cooling summer thundershower without the dangers of lightning!
4. National Heat Index Awareness Month: The “Heat Index” is the “real feel” temperature. It tells you what the combination of extreme heat and humidity really feels like to the human body. You’ve always known that heat combined with high humidity sucks. Now there’s a number to prove it.
3. National Swat a Mosquito Month: With your developing heat rash the last thing you need this time of year are mosquito bites. Let this holiday serve as a reminder that together we can make a difference!
2. National Ozone Alert Awareness Month: They could even have a contest for this one: Guess which July date will have the poorest air quality and win a free trip to Barrow Alaska…
…and the #1 New July Holiday proposal is…..National Psychic Party Month: When the Heat Index is 110 during another Ozone Alert Day is the best time to come inside, crank up the A.C. and invite your friends over for an enlightening and entertaining afternoon with your favorite Psychic. Host a party with me and get a free phone reading. Travel costs will be waved or reduced for the entire summer through Labor Day